Is your husband unemployed and looking for work? Your vow “for better or worse” may be put to the test. A period of unemployment is stressful for your spouse and for you. How can you support him in his job search?
Of the 8.6 million Americans who lost their jobs during the Great Recession, nearly 75% were men. My husband was among them. What’s more, he lost not one but two jobs, back-to-back, because of layoffs and downsizing.
Needless to say, times were hard for us then. We had part-time income from my online work, but it only went so far. Mitch made the job search his full-time job, and I did my best to support him. In this post, I’ll share my tips with you.
Let’s dive in.
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How to Support Your Husband in His Job Search
Research, planning, and networking are the keys to a successful job search. Especially in a competitive field. Your husband has his work cut out for him as he starts the journey of finding a new job. It’s the work of looking for work.
Along with the financial strain that comes with a job loss are emotional responses. You might find yourself sharing the emotional weight of your unemployed husband. How can you support him in his job search? Here are 15 suggestions.
1. Pray for Your Husband to Find a Job
My first tip? Start with prayer. You can never go wrong praying about a situation, including your husband’s job search. Ask God to give him wisdom and guidance. Pray that his resume will stand out. Pray that the right employers will contact him. And when he gets the interview, ask God to give him peace and confidence.
2. Develop Patience and Understanding
Syble Solomon created Money Habitudes to help people understand money psychology and make better financial decisions. Your husband’s first reaction to job loss may be extreme, she said – from denial to overwork. Give him time to get over the shock of losing his job, and don’t grill him about his job search.
3. Affirm Your Husband’s Feelings
Looking for a job can be stressful, especially in a high-pressure work environment. Affirm your husband’s feelings and let him know you’re there for him. Take your partner’s side, even if you disagree with his approach or strategy. Assure him it’s “us against the world.” The right words of support can go a long way.
4. Don’t Give Your Husband Advice
Unemployment is hard for both of you. It’s understandable to lose patience, and it’s tempting to give advice. But don’t do that. Listen to your husband without the goal of solving his problems. Always wait until he asks you for help before offering solutions.
5. Ask Your Husband Open-Ended Questions
If your husband asks you for input, respond with open-ended questions. Ones he can’t answer with a “yes” or “no.” Open-ended questions give him an opportunity for deeper reflection. But stick with “what” and “how” questions. “Why” questions are open-ended, but they can put your husband on the defensive.
6. Help Your Husband Set a Decision Date
If your husband is working but wants to quit his job, empower him to set a “decision date.” This is a calendar date when he will decide whether to leave or stay. Having a deadline can ease his work-related stress. Until then, don’t talk to him about quitting. If he mentions giving notice, remind him of his pending decision date.
7. Give Your Husband Time to Find a Job
Sally Palaian counsels people on financial matters. Your husband “may not be willing to be Mr. Mom or Mr. Housekeeper,” she said, because he’s focused on being a provider. Give him time to return to work, and respect that job hunting is a full-time job in itself.
8. Temper Your Involvement in the Search
Pay attention to your husband to discern if he wants your help or not, said Palaian. He could see your involvement as brainstorming OR as increased pressure. Some men want their wives to help them in the job search, while others are adverse to it. If you don’t know how to help your husband, ask him.
9. Encourage and Motivate Your Husband
When your husband is looking for work, your first instinct is to cover him with encouragement. A better approach is to ask him how he wants encouragement. He might want hands-on involvement – or only occasional cheering. Either way, remind him that he’s worth more than a paycheck. Amplify his gifts and talents, and reinforce his value as a man.
10. Advocate for Your Spouse by Networking
Encourage your husband to stay connected to his professional community. Job loss often leads to depression, which can tempt your spouse to withdraw. This is one of the worst things a job seeker can do. If your husband is okay with it, advocate for him by networking among family and friends. But do so out of love, not fear or desperation.
11. Discuss Your Financial Situation
A change in employment status comes with a change in financial resources. Decide as a couple what works for you now, and make adjustments. Review benefits, such as health insurance and retirement. Cut back on discretionary expenses. Increase your household income with part-time work. Develop a plan that is supportive and respectful for both of you, and review it often.
12. Keep Your Home Life Organized
To keep everything in balance, rethink household responsibilities. Just because your husband is between jobs doesn’t mean he should do all the domestic chores. But it makes sense for him to take on some cooking, cleaning, and errands – especially if you work full-time. Discuss how you can split tasks, and follow through on your commitments.
13. Give Your Husband Intimacy, Love, and Care
You knew intimacy would make it on the list somewhere. Did you know sex meets an emotional need for men – far more than a physical one? That’s what Shaunti Feldhahn learned in her research for For Women Only. As one man told her, “Everything can be falling apart around me. But if I know my wife desires me, there is a sense that I can handle anything.”
14. Replace Resentment With Gratitude
It’s common to feel resentful when your husband is out of work. To overcome this, reflect on the ways you are grateful for your spouse. This takes the focus off what you’re unable to do and reconnects you to what you love about him. Start a gratitude journal now, then give it to your husband on your anniversary.
15. Take Care of Yourself
When your husband lost his job, you also experienced a loss. “It’s not a direct loss because your routine may not have changed, but it’s a loss of family resources,” said Palaian. Support your husband where you can, but don’t neglect yourself. When you invest in yourself – hobbies, self-care, time with friends – it’s one less worry for your husband.
Wrapping Up
Whether he lost his job or quit, your husband is feeling a lot of emotions right now. So stand beside him, support him, and help him in the search. Keep your home life organized, and don’t neglect yourself.
And remember, jobless periods don’t last forever. Sooner or later, your husband will find work again and things will be okay. ◻️
Related Posts
- How to Pray for Your Husband’s Job Interview
- How Unemployment Helps You Uncover Your True Identity
- Your Unemployed Friend: 6 Ways to Help Her Right Now
Now It’s Your Turn
Thank you for reading my post. Now it’s YOUR turn to chime in. How will you support your husband in his job search? How can I pray for both of you?
Let’s fill the comments with friendly conversation. Scroll down to leave a reply, ask a question, or just say hello. And if you liked this post, please give it a share.
Blessings, Annette
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