“You are NOT the person I married.” How many times has your husband said this? How many times have YOU said it? Even well into a marriage, it can feel like you’re living with a stranger.
How could everything change so dramatically?
It all has to do with character in marriage. Character, personality, self awareness. To see how this relates to marriage renewal, keep reading.
DISCLOSURE – This post contains affiliate links. If you buy something through one of the links, I will earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Read my full disclosure here.
The Marriage Fitness Program
Today I’m sharing a guest post by Mort Fertel, author of Marriage Fitness. His resources helped me through a marital rough spot, and I’m an affiliate for his marriage renewal system.
Fertel’s alternative to counseling can be invaluable if your marriage is stuck or faltering. His book is a small investment for the value it provides. And his FREE articles offer fresh insights into the marriage relationship.
Want to understand your relationship better and improve your marriage? If so, consider the following advice from a world authority on relationships. I appreciate his willingness to share it with us.
Enjoy the post!
Personality Versus Character
NOTE – The following content is an adaption of “How Could Everything Change So Dramatically?” by marriage coach Mort Fertel.
I came across a quote today and wanted to share it with you. You may find that it relates to your marital situation:
“The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character” (- Peter De Vries).
Hi. I’m Mort Fertel, author of Marriage Fitness. We can only appreciate the profundity of this statement if we understand what is meant by CHARACTER.
Personality is easy to understand. Your personality is how people experience you. It’s your public persona. But what is character – and why is character so crucial in marriage?
Character is who you are when no one is watching. Let me say that again so you can read it slowly and really digest it this time.
You see, when you and your spouse met, you met each other’s personalities. You showed each other your public personas. I’m not saying you tricked each other. It’s just your personality – how you display yourself to others.
But marriage lasts too long in too close quarters for anyone to sustain a public persona. Personalities eventually give way to an inner self that gets revealed for the first time.
And there you each stand, naked as if no one is watching. But someone IS watching. And that’s when you meet for the first time … again!
Meeting Each Other Again
You and your spouse don’t meet the person who charmed each other’s friends, bought gifts for each other’s parents, and always smiled from ear to ear. No, this time it’s a meeting of your characters.
In many cases, you’re not only meeting each other for the first time – but you’re also meeting YOURSELVES for the first time.
Most people wouldn’t be caught dead treating anyone the way they treat their spouse. Most people don’t recognize their own behavior.
“I’m just not myself with him.” Well then, who is that person? That’s YOU. It’s your character. And your spouse meets his character.
The reason so many people fail at marriage – and an attempt at marriage renewal – is NOT that they don’t like their spouse. It’s that they don’t like THEMSELVES.
While everyone else in their life is like a mirror reflecting their personality, their spouse is a mirror reflecting their character. And most people don’t like what they see.
Many people would rather choose to be with someone else than remain with their spouse and have to continue to be with themselves.
Did you get that?
Character in Marriage
Balthasar Gracian wrote in his 17th century manual on success, The Art of Worldly Wisdom, as follows:
“You are as much a real person as you are deep. As with the depths of a diamond, the interior is twice as important as the surface. There are people who are all facade, like a house left unfinished when the funds run out. They have the entrance of a palace but the inner rooms of a cottage.”
Marriage renewal and character development go hand-in-hand.
Many people who apply the Marriage Fitness System tell me that it not only restored their marriage – it was a personal fixing for them, as well.
If you would like to explore that risk-free, subscribe to my free breakthrough report “7 Secrets to a Stronger Marriage.” Plus a FREE marriage assessment. Click here to subscribe.
Warm regards,
Mort Fertel
Author of Marriage Fitness
More From Mort Fertel
If you enjoyed this guest post by Mort Fertel, you might like these posts:
- Connection in Marriage: How to Get Your Husband to Hear You
- Forgiveness in Marriage: How to Forgive and Be Forgiven
- One Decision That Will Change Your Marriage for Better
Now It’s Your Turn
Thank you for reading my blog. Now it’s YOUR turn to chime in. Are you the same person who married your husband? How has meeting yourselves for the first time – again – developed your character in marriage?
Let’s fill the comments with friendly conversation. Scroll down to leave a reply, ask a question, or just say hello. And if you liked this post, please give it a share.
Blessings, Annette
NOTE – You are reading “Character in Marriage: What Happened to the Man You Married?” A version of this post appeared on Blogger in February 2015. I have updated it for the Savoring Home community.
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